Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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