literally had 100 drinks last night.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
