There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
