Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
