I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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