he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
