i think my tv is drunk
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
