God, you're like boner-b-gone
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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