Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The uberlube is also flammable
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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