Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
