Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
