I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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