youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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