I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
