Don't you send me to vm
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
