Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
