There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
