I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
