Do you still have your period?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
