my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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