Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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