you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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