your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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