why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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