I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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