why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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