Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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