Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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