"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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