I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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