My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
