i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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