So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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