paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
