oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
What a dumb baby whore.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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