Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
