Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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