I just cut my nipple shaving
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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