It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
