Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
