Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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