I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
