How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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