oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
