I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
