i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
