I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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