Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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