So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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