Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
